I’m having the worst time of my life right now. I have people lying about me and spreading rumors of things I never did. Most of my friends are on my side about it and all my family is behind me. That helps but I feel like some people just don’t believe me when I’m out in public. The worst part is that I shouldn’t care what they think, I don’t know them. It’s a hard thing to tell yourself every day, you really can’t help but feel this way. It’s made me want to just sit at home and not do anything. It’s driving me nuts, I’m getting help from a psychiatrist and a therapist. I just never would have thought this kinda thing would happen and it’s really brought me to my knees. I’m back in church, I’m reading the bible every day, and I’m losing weight by walking. I’m disabled so I really can’t-do more than walk slowly and I can’t make it very far either. I take life one day at a time and try to do the things I know I’ll miss when I’m gone so I’m making the best out of what I have left. If you find yourself in this situation, get help. It doesn’t work at first, or that’s how it feels but give it time. After a few visits, you’ll notice a change in your life and in the way you see the world. It’s working for me but I have a long way to go. What was done to me I’ll not talk about but it’s the lowest thing that’s ever happened to me. If not for friends, family, and my loving wife I don’t think I could have made it this far without breaking down and being in a mental hospital. Let’s just say that I’m thankful some people have chosen to leave my life, I’m so much better off without them in my life. It did take me a while to see that but then love does die slow and painful.
Well, the first stream that I did didn’t go as good as I was hoping. The first thing that one person said was that I sound like I’m high or drunk, he was mostly right. I was not high on the illegal drugs but rather my pain pills that I can’t live without. I don’t drink so the part about me being drunk was wrong but some high-level pills can make you feel that way and also sound that way. I really would like to get off of the med’s but that’s not going to happen. They really mess with your entire life, such as mental facilities, sleeping habits, and things like this. Another guy said that I am a little slow my progression in the game from taking so long to read objectives and taking shots. He’s not wrong either but I’m not able to change that. I thank he’s the same one who said he heard me moving around a lot but if it’s him or another person doesn’t matter. He is right on that as well, I can’t stay sedentary for long at all. I tend to move ever 5 minutes or so to help lessen the pain. I’m proud that I had 5 people show up for my first stream but also I’m sad as I really don’t thank many people are going to watch a person move as slow as me in a fast paste first person shooter.
Game I was playing, Tom Clancy’s Ghost recon Wildlands
I’m in to much pain right now to upload or record videos. I’ll get something up as soon as I can.