The state of life.

Life, we all do things that are wrong in the state of life in which we live. I’ve done things I regret, I’ve never intentionally harmed another human in my life. I’ve never forced a human to do something they didn’t want to do, I grow up under that kind of oppression and I’m not willing to forward that to another human. Some people like to state falsehoods on another person as a retaliatory act to gain some measure of self-worth. In their mind, they are punishing you for a perceived wrong they believe you perpetrated against them. That’s an affront to God, He will have his say in the end. I know there is a God, I will be able to stand with my head held high on my judgment. I don’t fear another human and his judgment or accusations from another human. I know what I did and if you can’t tell if a human is lying then why try to explain yourself to them, they have already passed judgment upon you. I will not let others control me, especially the ones who wont to retaliate against what I have said or done, what they perceive I have done to harm them. Want proof, look at the large diverse group of people that call me friend and ask them why they all come to me for help. I will tell you how I see life regardless of what you may think about it. I will help all that I can in life regardless of how bad I know it will end. No good deed goes unpunished. I’m a walking example of that. I’ve never had good fortune bestowed upon me for any good deed I’ve done. I always suffer in the end and I will not stop the way I live. I will always help, I will always be there for people regardless of how they have wronged me. Turn the other cheek and keep on living the way that you can hold your head high.

Life is messed up. Fair memory.

Life is so messed up, I just recalled one of the best times I ever had with my Dad. I don’t recall how old I was or any of that but I do recall being at a fair in the fall. My Dad played a few games trying to win me a stuffed animal. I eventually told him I don’t want one and we should just look at the exhibits that were there. I guess I’m a little weird in that aspect, I really never enjoyed the rides. I don’t recall why I ever forgot this memory and it’s messed up that our brain can do that from time to time. I’m thankful I have it back.

Worst time of my life.

I’m having the worst time of my life right now. I have people lying about me and spreading rumors of things I never did. Most of my friends are on my side about it and all my family is behind me. That helps but I feel like some people just don’t believe me when I’m out in public. The worst part is that I shouldn’t care what they think, I don’t know them. It’s a hard thing to tell yourself every day, you really can’t help but feel this way. It’s made me want to just sit at home and not do anything. It’s driving me nuts, I’m getting help from a psychiatrist and a therapist. I just never would have thought this kinda thing would happen and it’s really brought me to my knees. I’m back in church, I’m reading the bible every day, and I’m losing weight by walking. I’m disabled so I really can’t-do more than walk slowly and I can’t make it very far either. I take life one day at a time and try to do the things I know I’ll miss when I’m gone so I’m making the best out of what I have left. If you find yourself in this situation, get help. It doesn’t work at first, or that’s how it feels but give it time. After a few visits, you’ll notice a change in your life and in the way you see the world. It’s working for me but I have a long way to go. What was done to me I’ll not talk about but it’s the lowest thing that’s ever happened to me. If not for friends, family, and my loving wife I don’t think I could have made it this far without breaking down and being in a mental hospital. Let’s just say that I’m thankful some people have chosen to leave my life, I’m so much better off without them in my life. It did take me a while to see that but then love does die slow and painful.