I’m glad to be alive and thankful my family made it one more year. Christmas this year was good but with death looming over us made it fill way different than it ever has. I expect to lose a family member or two with whom I am very close too. It’s going to suck but I have been in harder places than this and have not failed to keep moving on. For anyone or anyone’s family that has been through what I have, I do really fill for you. Keep strong this year and keep moving on. God is with you and God does love you even when it feels like you could blame him for it all. Don’t, that’s the contract we signed with God. You knew he would be calling you back home at some point just as he has done with everyone else. The street lights are on and it’s time to go home.
This has to be the best pro-gun speech ever. He hit on points I never thought to include in my arguments. If your wondering, it’s the second guy in the video that I give much respect too.
This is the video.
So here I am, minding my own business and I lose internet. I find it funny that the ISP chose this time to take my network down. That’s sarcasm BTW if you didn’t know. I guess someone doesn’t want me to see the whole show on youtube. I’m not one that thinks the government is watching me or anyone else but this is a little too coincidental if you ask me. Am I sure we live in a big brother 1984 type of world now, yes I am, I just think that most people like myself would not attract the interest of the government? I have nothing they would want, I know no secrets and I collect none. I like under the vantage, hear nothing, see nothing, and say nothing. If I think people are discussing anything that might be secret I walk off, I don’t want to know. I have no answers, I never took anything nor do I have anything I could tell you, I walked off. That being said please give me my net back.
YouTube of Snowden
Well, my life is moving forwards as of late yesterday. Because of a lie, I may lose my son and he can’t stand to live with his mother. Some people only care about them self and what harm they can do to others. What kind of life must you live if this is the only thing that can make you happy? Destroy others lives so you can be happy. That must be a sad existence. I chose to live a life of forgiving and forget, I’m much happier that way and I’m not destroying someone else’s life just so I can feel better about myself. Truly sad people live that kinda life, truly sad.
Life is so messed up, I just recalled one of the best times I ever had with my Dad. I don’t recall how old I was or any of that but I do recall being at a fair in the fall. My Dad played a few games trying to win me a stuffed animal. I eventually told him I don’t want one and we should just look at the exhibits that were there. I guess I’m a little weird in that aspect, I really never enjoyed the rides. I don’t recall why I ever forgot this memory and it’s messed up that our brain can do that from time to time. I’m thankful I have it back.
I’m having the worst time of my life right now. I have people lying about me and spreading rumors of things I never did. Most of my friends are on my side about it and all my family is behind me. That helps but I feel like some people just don’t believe me when I’m out in public. The worst part is that I shouldn’t care what they think, I don’t know them. It’s a hard thing to tell yourself every day, you really can’t help but feel this way. It’s made me want to just sit at home and not do anything. It’s driving me nuts, I’m getting help from a psychiatrist and a therapist. I just never would have thought this kinda thing would happen and it’s really brought me to my knees. I’m back in church, I’m reading the bible every day, and I’m losing weight by walking. I’m disabled so I really can’t-do more than walk slowly and I can’t make it very far either. I take life one day at a time and try to do the things I know I’ll miss when I’m gone so I’m making the best out of what I have left. If you find yourself in this situation, get help. It doesn’t work at first, or that’s how it feels but give it time. After a few visits, you’ll notice a change in your life and in the way you see the world. It’s working for me but I have a long way to go. What was done to me I’ll not talk about but it’s the lowest thing that’s ever happened to me. If not for friends, family, and my loving wife I don’t think I could have made it this far without breaking down and being in a mental hospital. Let’s just say that I’m thankful some people have chosen to leave my life, I’m so much better off without them in my life. It did take me a while to see that but then love does die slow and painful.
Rape is a really disgusting weapon, it kills you repeatedly. You can’t do it on your own, you must seek help. It’s not your fault this happened, they don’t have any power over you. I know how you feel, I’m going through it myself. I’m starting to accept that I’ll never be the same but I also know that I can’t go back to the way I was before. You never will be the same after, I turned to God and now I don’t curse and I’m in a church as often as possible. How you deal with it, whatever you do to heal as long as it’s not harmful to you or anyone else is a good thing. You can’t let it go and at some point in your life, it will come back up. However you get help, talking to people, a therapist or any other way is going to make it better. Take your time, get it right, it all must come out so you can better deal with it. Get all of your feelings out and be truthful about it. Hiding it or holding back is self-harming. I know you can’t trust right now, I know you feel dirty, I know you can’t breathe but people can be trusted. People do want to help, it may not seem like it right now but it’s the truth. Only you know how to heal you so slowly let someone in and talks about it. A professional will help better than most, they make you see who you really are not what this weapon did to you. You’re a good person and deserve to be happy and have a good life. Get help as soon as you can, there are free places to get help, just use google and find a place to go to. Love yourself and believe me, you are loved.
God gives strength to those that are weak, I’m strong enough to die. God gives comfort to those that are able to forgive, I forgive everyone and myself. God forgives if you’re able to admit your wrong, I’m sorry for everything against God and man. God gives life to those that can find him, Everything in my life I cherish for God is in everything. Never count on your next day, thank God for today because you may be gone tomorrow. As my granddad said the day before he died pointing to the sky and barely getting the words out, I’m ready to go home. Craig McNeil
I’m recovering from a heart attack and not expecting to work on the web sites or the blog for a while. Recovery time is expected to be 3 to 6 months.
Well, the first stream that I did didn’t go as good as I was hoping. The first thing that one person said was that I sound like I’m high or drunk, he was mostly right. I was not high on the illegal drugs but rather my pain pills that I can’t live without. I don’t drink so the part about me being drunk was wrong but some high-level pills can make you feel that way and also sound that way. I really would like to get off of the med’s but that’s not going to happen. They really mess with your entire life, such as mental facilities, sleeping habits, and things like this. Another guy said that I am a little slow my progression in the game from taking so long to read objectives and taking shots. He’s not wrong either but I’m not able to change that. I thank he’s the same one who said he heard me moving around a lot but if it’s him or another person doesn’t matter. He is right on that as well, I can’t stay sedentary for long at all. I tend to move ever 5 minutes or so to help lessen the pain. I’m proud that I had 5 people show up for my first stream but also I’m sad as I really don’t thank many people are going to watch a person move as slow as me in a fast paste first person shooter.
Game I was playing, Tom Clancy’s Ghost recon Wildlands