The state of life.

Life, we all do things that are wrong in the state of life in which we live. I’ve done things I regret, I’ve never intentionally harmed another human in my life. I’ve never forced a human to do something they didn’t want to do, I grow up under that kind of oppression and I’m not willing to forward that to another human. Some people like to state falsehoods on another person as a retaliatory act to gain some measure of self-worth. In their mind, they are punishing you for a perceived wrong they believe you perpetrated against them. That’s an affront to God, He will have his say in the end. I know there is a God, I will be able to stand with my head held high on my judgment. I don’t fear another human and his judgment or accusations from another human. I know what I did and if you can’t tell if a human is lying then why try to explain yourself to them, they have already passed judgment upon you. I will not let others control me, especially the ones who wont to retaliate against what I have said or done, what they perceive I have done to harm them. Want proof, look at the large diverse group of people that call me friend and ask them why they all come to me for help. I will tell you how I see life regardless of what you may think about it. I will help all that I can in life regardless of how bad I know it will end. No good deed goes unpunished. I’m a walking example of that. I’ve never had good fortune bestowed upon me for any good deed I’ve done. I always suffer in the end and I will not stop the way I live. I will always help, I will always be there for people regardless of how they have wronged me. Turn the other cheek and keep on living the way that you can hold your head high.

Come on people!

We need to wake up! Come on people we can do this. It may take a little time and a lot of effort but we can start fixing this country. Do you think this country got to were it was without work, or by the hands of people that worked hard? I’m not sure where to start so I began with contacting my house of representatives and the Senate. If they get a lot of people writing in and or calling they will listen, might not care but you could be the one to plant the seed.
Find your representatives
Find your Senator

Watching Edward Snowden and lost internet.

So here I am, minding my own business and I lose internet. I find it funny that the ISP chose this time to take my network down. That’s sarcasm BTW if you didn’t know. I guess someone doesn’t want me to see the whole show on youtube. I’m not one that thinks the government is watching me or anyone else but this is a little too coincidental if you ask me. Am I sure we live in a big brother 1984 type of world now, yes I am, I just think that most people like myself would not attract the interest of the government? I have nothing they would want, I know no secrets and I collect none. I like under the vantage, hear nothing, see nothing, and say nothing. If I think people are discussing anything that might be secret I walk off, I don’t want to know. I have no answers, I never took anything nor do I have anything I could tell you, I walked off. That being said please give me my net back.
YouTube of Snowden

Some people!

Well, my life is moving forwards as of late yesterday. Because of a lie, I may lose my son and he can’t stand to live with his mother. Some people only care about them self and what harm they can do to others. What kind of life must you live if this is the only thing that can make you happy? Destroy others lives so you can be happy. That must be a sad existence. I chose to live a life of forgiving and forget, I’m much happier that way and I’m not destroying someone else’s life just so I can feel better about myself. Truly sad people live that kinda life, truly sad.

Life is messed up. Fair memory.

Life is so messed up, I just recalled one of the best times I ever had with my Dad. I don’t recall how old I was or any of that but I do recall being at a fair in the fall. My Dad played a few games trying to win me a stuffed animal. I eventually told him I don’t want one and we should just look at the exhibits that were there. I guess I’m a little weird in that aspect, I really never enjoyed the rides. I don’t recall why I ever forgot this memory and it’s messed up that our brain can do that from time to time. I’m thankful I have it back.

Worst time of my life.

I’m having the worst time of my life right now. I have people lying about me and spreading rumors of things I never did. Most of my friends are on my side about it and all my family is behind me. That helps but I feel like some people just don’t believe me when I’m out in public. The worst part is that I shouldn’t care what they think, I don’t know them. It’s a hard thing to tell yourself every day, you really can’t help but feel this way. It’s made me want to just sit at home and not do anything. It’s driving me nuts, I’m getting help from a psychiatrist and a therapist. I just never would have thought this kinda thing would happen and it’s really brought me to my knees. I’m back in church, I’m reading the bible every day, and I’m losing weight by walking. I’m disabled so I really can’t-do more than walk slowly and I can’t make it very far either. I take life one day at a time and try to do the things I know I’ll miss when I’m gone so I’m making the best out of what I have left. If you find yourself in this situation, get help. It doesn’t work at first, or that’s how it feels but give it time. After a few visits, you’ll notice a change in your life and in the way you see the world. It’s working for me but I have a long way to go. What was done to me I’ll not talk about but it’s the lowest thing that’s ever happened to me. If not for friends, family, and my loving wife I don’t think I could have made it this far without breaking down and being in a mental hospital. Let’s just say that I’m thankful some people have chosen to leave my life, I’m so much better off without them in my life. It did take me a while to see that but then love does die slow and painful.

Rape, the worse of human kind.

Rape is a really disgusting weapon, it kills you repeatedly. You can’t do it on your own, you must seek help. It’s not your fault this happened, they don’t have any power over you. I know how you feel, I’m going through it myself. I’m starting to accept that I’ll never be the same but I also know that I can’t go back to the way I was before. You never will be the same after, I turned to God and now I don’t curse and I’m in a church as often as possible. How you deal with it, whatever you do to heal as long as it’s not harmful to you or anyone else is a good thing. You can’t let it go and at some point in your life, it will come back up. However you get help, talking to people, a therapist or any other way is going to make it better. Take your time, get it right, it all must come out so you can better deal with it. Get all of your feelings out and be truthful about it. Hiding it or holding back is self-harming. I know you can’t trust right now, I know you feel dirty, I know you can’t breathe but people can be trusted. People do want to help, it may not seem like it right now but it’s the truth. Only you know how to heal you so slowly let someone in and talks about it. A professional will help better than most, they make you see who you really are not what this weapon did to you. You’re a good person and deserve to be happy and have a good life. Get help as soon as you can, there are free places to get help, just use google and find a place to go to. Love yourself and believe me, you are loved.

This should get you going in the right direction.
1. National Hotline
2. Resources for trauma
3. rape trauma syndrome

God gives strength.

God gives strength to those that are weak, I’m strong enough to die. God gives comfort to those that are able to forgive, I forgive everyone and myself. God forgives if you’re able to admit your wrong, I’m sorry for everything against God and man. God gives life to those that can find him, Everything in my life I cherish for God is in everything. Never count on your next day, thank God for today because you may be gone tomorrow. As my granddad said the day before he died pointing to the sky and barely getting the words out, I’m ready to go home. Craig McNeil